lay on the horn until that piece of shit drops their phone.
As if there isn't enough danger out on the road already with asians, women, and asians - now we have dumbasses texting behind the wheel.
You've got to be kidding me. Make a phone call. Or better yet - just fucking drive! Crazy I know.
The next time you see someone texting behind the wheel just lay on the horn - I'm talking forearm across the entire steering wheel laying on the horn. To spot your typical texter is the classic 20ft difference between them and the car in front of them, the eyes to road-lap-road-lap-road-lap glance, once this is spotted just beep that sonofabitch hard.
Friday, January 7, 2011
101 - Hangover
Everyone loves drinking.
No one loves being hungover.
Take it from someone who has been there, drank that, and woke up not knowing where they were. The tips listed below are by no means scientifically proven but have been found to work more times than not. I've never been one to follow what others have recommended on this subject because, well because its hit or miss. For the most part, I've just done my own thing and it works.
Upon waking up from your crazy night:
1. Lay down and evaluate your situation
Are you laying next to someone you don't know? Where are you? Phone, wallet, pants? 2 out of 3 is good enough
2. Get a tall-ass glass of ice water
Never underestimate the power of icy H20. While that Gatorade or VitaminWater would be delicious its just not practical at this moment
3. Throw up
Sounds like a pussy move but you have no idea how much better you will feel after you have cleansed your body of all the poisons (note: only make yourself throw up if you drank hard alcohol, if you stuck to strictly beer then your in better shape - relatively)
4. Go outside
Even if you just stick your face out a window for a minute it will make a huge difference. Breath heavy through your nose and out your mouth.
5. Lay back down
This is the point where you evaluate how much the previous steps have worked. If you still feel as bad as before than move forward - if your feeling a little better than thats good.
6. In your mind set a time when you want to feel better
Maybe 3/4 hours from the current time, this will help you judge your progress
7. Take a shower
8. Eat some fruit
Banana, apple, orange, nothing too filling but enough that you have something in that belly.
9. Try to start your day
If you can't, go back to sleep.
DON'T...
> Watch TV - we all love TV but the image will just make you more dizzy
> Eat anything filling - the last thing you want is your stomach acting up again
> Drink more - do you seriously thing drinking more will help your hangover? that's like saying spending money will make you money....
If none of this works then maybe you should not be such a bitch.
No one loves being hungover.
Take it from someone who has been there, drank that, and woke up not knowing where they were. The tips listed below are by no means scientifically proven but have been found to work more times than not. I've never been one to follow what others have recommended on this subject because, well because its hit or miss. For the most part, I've just done my own thing and it works.
Upon waking up from your crazy night:
1. Lay down and evaluate your situation
Are you laying next to someone you don't know? Where are you? Phone, wallet, pants? 2 out of 3 is good enough
2. Get a tall-ass glass of ice water
Never underestimate the power of icy H20. While that Gatorade or VitaminWater would be delicious its just not practical at this moment
3. Throw up
Sounds like a pussy move but you have no idea how much better you will feel after you have cleansed your body of all the poisons (note: only make yourself throw up if you drank hard alcohol, if you stuck to strictly beer then your in better shape - relatively)
4. Go outside
Even if you just stick your face out a window for a minute it will make a huge difference. Breath heavy through your nose and out your mouth.
5. Lay back down
This is the point where you evaluate how much the previous steps have worked. If you still feel as bad as before than move forward - if your feeling a little better than thats good.
6. In your mind set a time when you want to feel better
Maybe 3/4 hours from the current time, this will help you judge your progress
7. Take a shower
8. Eat some fruit
Banana, apple, orange, nothing too filling but enough that you have something in that belly.
9. Try to start your day
If you can't, go back to sleep.
DON'T...
> Watch TV - we all love TV but the image will just make you more dizzy
> Eat anything filling - the last thing you want is your stomach acting up again
> Drink more - do you seriously thing drinking more will help your hangover? that's like saying spending money will make you money....
If none of this works then maybe you should not be such a bitch.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The only reality show ever....
is COPS.
Survivor, Jersey Shore, The Hills - these aren't reality. If the show has a writer then its most likely not reality.
How much of COPS do you think is scripted?
None.
Just raw stupidity on the part of the criminals and heroism on the part of the officers.
If the show did have a writer than he would have the easiest job in the world - just write things like:
"that's not mine"
"that's my friends bag"
"i didn't do anything"
"i'm not resisting!"
"this is my friends car"
"this is my friends crack pipe"
"these are my friends pants"
Survivor, Jersey Shore, The Hills - these aren't reality. If the show has a writer then its most likely not reality.
How much of COPS do you think is scripted?
None.
Just raw stupidity on the part of the criminals and heroism on the part of the officers.
If the show did have a writer than he would have the easiest job in the world - just write things like:
"that's not mine"
"that's my friends bag"
"i didn't do anything"
"i'm not resisting!"
"this is my friends car"
"this is my friends crack pipe"
"these are my friends pants"
If an animal looks dangerous....
than it probably is.
Snakes. Bears. Lions - these all belong in the wild. If you consider owning any of these animals as a domesticated pet then your asking for trouble.
When my cat bites me its humorous because hes such a weak little pussy. His biggest threat are his nails and those can be clipped without a problem.
Have you ever seen a bear with clipped nails?
No, because unless you can clip them while hes mauling your face apart then you will never see a bear with clipped nails.
Granted it would be awesome to have a pet bear. Like, you have your friends over to your house/apartment and your showing them around.....
"So this is the kitchen - tile floors, over-head pan rack thing. This is my TV room - 60 inch flat screen plasma HD ready. And this is my bear - fuzzy as shit"
That would be bad ass but feeding that thing would be a whole other animal - literally. You going to go out and fish every morning because thats what bears eat - fish and humans...and grass. Plus the thing would be lame during the winter. It would eat all of your wicker chairs then huddle up in your closet for 4 months.
Lets just draw the line and ferrets.
Snakes. Bears. Lions - these all belong in the wild. If you consider owning any of these animals as a domesticated pet then your asking for trouble.
When my cat bites me its humorous because hes such a weak little pussy. His biggest threat are his nails and those can be clipped without a problem.
Have you ever seen a bear with clipped nails?
No, because unless you can clip them while hes mauling your face apart then you will never see a bear with clipped nails.
Granted it would be awesome to have a pet bear. Like, you have your friends over to your house/apartment and your showing them around.....
"So this is the kitchen - tile floors, over-head pan rack thing. This is my TV room - 60 inch flat screen plasma HD ready. And this is my bear - fuzzy as shit"
That would be bad ass but feeding that thing would be a whole other animal - literally. You going to go out and fish every morning because thats what bears eat - fish and humans...and grass. Plus the thing would be lame during the winter. It would eat all of your wicker chairs then huddle up in your closet for 4 months.
Lets just draw the line and ferrets.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)